just friends

You give me that feeling in my stomach.
People call it butterflies but i dont understand it
Its more like a knot.
When you walk passed me my hands start to tremble
My heart starts to beat faster then ever before
Were too close of friends to be anymore
right? thats what everyone says
Your smell, so familiar something i look forward to
You make me laugh but never made me cry
You compliment me but do you mean it
or are you just being nice?
Sucks to know that you love her
I cant be her, Im just the best friend
Somehow im used to that, always the "friend"
Someone you can talk to about anything,
who will always be there to listen
I know all your secrets and
all your favorite things
So why cant there be more?
You start acting like maybe theres a chane with "us"
Talking about how were so similar and how
We'd be perfect, but then go on to talk about how
thats why were best friends..
Shes the one for you , guess ill never do

my room

if you walked into my room who does this shithole belong too
theres closes on every square inch of the floor
someplaces its piled three feet high
open drawers,
un made bed,
books thrown on the floor.
i guess youd think im a slob
whih when it comes to my room,
i definitely am.
but the truth is i enjoy cleaning
ill clean at work,
ill clean friends cars
or even apartments.
you can also see my lack of focus
there are plenty of things that ive started
and then i just cant finish!
im very easily distracted.
another thing you ccan see from my room,
my style.
i personally think i have a good fashion sense.
i have 30 something scarves,
alot of pairs of boots and skinny jeans
and a million shirts, i do have a shopping problem
there is no room for half of my clothes.
i really should clean my room now tho

sometimes

sometimes i wish everyone could get along

sometimes i wish my parents never fought

sometimes i wish i liked my job

sometimes i wish i knew who i could trust

sometimes i wish i was skinnier

sometimes i wish i had enough balls to stand up for myself

sometimes i wish money really did grow on trees

sometimes i wish i could buy all the boots i wanted :)

sometimes i wish i didnt laugh at the most innapropriate times

sometimes i wish i had contact lenses

sometimes i wish i had my own car

sometimes i wish i didnt have to worry about doing these blogs

sometimes i wish i didnt live with my parents

A mirror image

When i look in the mirror,
i wish i saw something different
pimples on my head...disgusting!
turn to the side, start at the top
and work your way down.
my hair is a nice yellowy blonde color
long, a buncha inches past my shoulders
my eyes a blue color, kinda like the sky
but when i wear green they become
a green tint of blue. thats about all the good
work your way further down.
theres a bump on my nose, too big
i smile most of the time so you see my
teeth often, there not bad i had braces
my gums are kind big tho
my stomach is too big for my liking
ive had problems with that forever
but probably everyone does
my ass is so fucking big, jeans
shopping sucks there either too short
cause im way too tall or are tight
go down to the feet.
sasquatch! my feet are huge.
a size 9/10 thats terrible.
i dont get embaressed alot but thats embaressing
my skin is a golden color now
but my summer tan lines have begun to fade
soon i will be white as snow for the winter.
i have big manly hands.. its weird
my fingers are short and fat.
on the outside i may not be perfect
but who is?
thank god looks arent everything

Woke up dis mawnin
........................................I aint no whos fuckin bed I was layin in
.........................................messy sheets...messy hair
Where mah clothes at??

...there they are; layin
.....................over there on the floor
..................................................................reeks of stale smoke & beer
he walks in
..a face i aint eva seen befo
brown hair....brown eyes..brown skin
...........................................................................tattooed from head to toe

................................he turns around to reach into his closet
.................scratches straight down his back.....skin under mah nails

Dayum!

love is

Love is red

.......It sounds like someone blowing a kiss to a lover.
.......It feels like butterflies in ones stomach.
.......It smells like cherry lip gloss.
.......It tastes like chocolate covered strawberries.

A place I love to be.

There's a place that I love to go when I am feeling stressed.
Sitting on the boardwalk on a breezy day, helpts to chase my pressures away.
Listening to the footsteps as people walk passed is a soothing constant sound.
The breeze off the ocean in my face is comforting as it blows my hair around.

Sitting on the boardwalk on the breezy, helps to chase my pressures away.
It's nice to close my eyes and imagine that it is a brand new day.
The breeze off the ocean in my face is comforting as it blows my hair around.
After sitting a while I decide to take a walk.

It's nice to close my eyes and imagine that it is a brand new day.
As I open my eyes to take a walk, there are families all around me talking and laughing.
After sitting a while I decide to take a walk.
I walk down the ramp and onto the sand.

As I open my eyes to take a walk, there's families all around me talking and laughing.
When I put my feet into the sand, they disappear out of sight.
I walk down the ramp and onto the sand.
I continue down toward the salty ocean.

When I put my feet into the sand, they disappear our of sight.
Frisbees and footballs flying, kids running, people tanning.
I continue down toward the salty ocean.
My toes touch the icy cold water as a chill runs through my body.

Frisbees and footballs flying, kids running, people tanning,
Listening to the footsteps as people walk passed is a soothing constant sound.
My toes touch the icy cold water as a chill runs through my body.
There's a place that I love to go when I am feeling stressed.

I remember

I remember wearing my fanciest clothes with socks with the ruffles on them for the first day of school.

I remember going to disney world and being afraid of Jafar from Aladdin.

I remember getting bagels every Saturday from A&S for breakfast.

I remember christmas parties at the police department where Santa would come on a helicopter and we could take rides on the motorcylce.

I remember going to a brewery tour in Virginia and hating the smell.

I remember my 10th birthday party at Joan of Art.

I remember getting my dog bailey.

I remember learning to hit the 57 on the ketchup bottle to get the ketchup out.

I remember going on long drives with my family to nowhere and just ending up somewhere different everytime.

I remember going to my aunt Charlotte's every Christmas Eve and my Aunt diane's every Christmas Day.

I remember watching gulla gulla island when I got home from school.

I remember falling in my pool before I knew how to swim.

I remember loving to go into the fire prevention house and having to crawl under the smoke.

I remember being best friends with Brittany Trumpy.

I remember the first time I drank alcohol.

I remember my first crush and my first boyfriend.

I remember buying stupid little gifts at the holiday sales at my elementary school.

I remember graduating from elementary school.

I remember the sixth grade dance.

I remember my first day of high school.

I remember my dad having siezures.

I remember my trip to Georgia and hating it there.

I remember my trip to Colorado.

I remember my first cruise and making so many friends.

I remember my grandmas, grandpa and uncle passing away.

I remember the christmas that my cousin was born.

I remember starting to take voice lessons.

I remember being nervous everytime I sang in front of people.

I remember making new friends.

I remember my junior and senior prom.

I remember my bus getting in trouble because someone brought something on the bus.

I remember my ex boyfriend and why I broke up with him.

I remember my first car accident senior year in high school.

I remember fighting with my sister about me taking her clothes.

I remember going fishing with my friends at captree.

I remember sunday pasta dinners at my aunt's house.

I remember sitting for 6 hours to take the stupidest test... three times!

I remember signing yearbooks.

I remember having an eating disorder.

I remember the days I didn't care what clothes I put on in the morning.

I remember working at Frosty's.

I remember working at Mandee's.

I remember filling out college applications.

I remember singing on the news for September 11th.

I remember doing all different kinds of community service projects.

I remember going to Fordham for 9 days for a performing arts program and crying when I had to leave all my new friends.

I remember starting my own fundraiser for Hurricane Katrina.

I remember being addicted to Iced Coffee and Lattes.

I remember Graduating high school.

I remember meeting mandy moore.

I remember going to the city all the time with my family.

I remember my 18th birthday at Lips.

I remember having huge sleepovers with all my friends.

I remember having the first black president.

I remember going for 10 cent wing nights at Croxley's.

I remember blacking out at voice lessons.

I remember my audition for Molloy.

I remember getting accepted.

I remember crying and making myself throw up when I had to get blood tests.

I remember hating shots.

I remember I have a lot to do today.

I'll try to remember to come back and finish this later.

A time of fear

There were two times I felt my deepest fear; when my mom was sick and when my dad is sick. A few months ago my mom was having a lot of problems and no one had answers on what was the matter. She was hemoraging, alot! She was bed ridden for weeks at a time. Everytime she went to a doctor they would tell her to do something else, but nothing would help. I was really scared because a lot of times in situations like this I start to think the worst. Of course I was thinking what if she died. One day, she felt really sick. She called the doctor and he said go right to the hospital. My mom is very stubborn and wouldnt go. I kept crying and begging her to just go. A few days later she finally went to the doctor and he said she had to go to the hospital to get blood transfusions. My mom still didn't want to do it because she wanted us to donate our blood for her. Me and my dad were ready to do it, but then we found out that it really wasn't safe. When a family member donates blood for another family member, they rush the testing process and so you don't know if it is really a safe idea. I finally got a call while I was in school one day that my mom had decided to go to the hospital to get blood. She was suppose to come home that night but they decided she would have to stay over night because she needed more blood then they expected. After she had recieved the blood they found a procedure that finally stopped her bleeding. She is doing much better now. It was such a feeling of relief. Another time where I felt my biggest fear was when I was on vacation in the poconos with my family and aunts and cousins and my dad had a siezure. It was in the middle of the night when I heard something weird. I got up and saw that my dad was laying on the floor breathing really wierd. He had bitten his tongue when he clenched his teeth so he was spraying spit with a mix of blood out his mouth and his eyes were rolling back. He wasn't convulsing though, he must have done that already. I woke my mom up. We didn't know exactly what was going on because none of us had ever seen a siezure before. We called the number that we were suppose to to get help. A security guard from the hotel came up to our room and just stood and watched. He said it was probably a siezure. It seemed like it took forever for the ambulance to come. I was so scared; again that what if it wasn't what if it was something more serious that he could die from. We found out that it was a seizure. My dad went for all kinds of tests and again the doctors couldn't really tell what caused it, but they had narrowed it down to either sleep apnia or dehydration. Now he wears a mask to sleep that blows air into his nose for sleep apnia. Twice after that, in more recent time, he didn't wear his mask to sleep and he had two more siezures. They now gave him anti-siezure medicine. Just last week, he was taking his medicine and he had his mask on and still had another siezure. The doctors say that he has to get a new mask and they put him on stronger medicine. I still fear that maybe there is another problem, or what if he has another siezure and its worse or something else happens.

Senses of the Beach

The sky is a dull gray,
creating a mood of calmness
and a sense of tranquility.
The wind is a bitter cold on my face,
making the goosebumps on my arms grow bigger & bigger.
It's making my nose frozen like spring flowers
in the middle of the winter.
My nose starts to run like a drippy faucet.
The waves are crashing on the sand,
while I sit shivering,
creating a snow white foam at the shore.
The birds are swooping towards the water,
desperate to find food like a poor man
feeding a family of four.
The rock is bumpy and cold.
The sand is blowing in my eyes & mouth,
making hard to see and making &
crunchy feeling as I bite down.
Oh how I would love to be home wrapped up all cozy.
Or just somewhere warm!
This was not a beach day.

oops i forgott :)

Look at the raisin
*brown, rigid, small*
Look a little closer
*compressed, still brown, rigid & small*

Feel the raisin
*small, bumpy, rubbery*
to the tongue
hard to sense a feeling

Take a bite
*rubbery as expected*
JUICES RELEASED

Taste the rasin,
.......nOt GoOd aT aLl

Swallow the raisin - feel it go down
.........................GROSS!